BUT. I am tearfully going to have to admit another small deception. I am not really a snail or even a slug. In good, modern, manner I am no longer going to take responsibility for my lies. Instead I am going to blame it on you, my friends. It is your constant forgiveness that is empowering and enabling my addiction to deception. It is your fault I tell you!

I tried to show remorse. I really did. I did quit Girl Wars and really, really, sold all my stuff. I was so contrite this time it took me almost 37 minutes before I returned with a new identity.

But this time, finally, I can reveal the truth. I am actually Drew Brees’ Mom. I didn’t want to say before in case all the fan attention distracted him. Now that his team have won that big thing, the Stanley Cup, I can reveal who I am. I can prove I am who I say I am, as I will be going to the huge celebration party and will text you who I meet.

It will be such fun! I am going to meet the Coach — the one with the gorgeous eyes — Shawn Peyton Manning. And that really fast one that Drew throws the ball to — Randy Morse, I think it is. Oh, and the owner of the team John Madden. Actually I think he owns all the teams judging by his game. Plus the Commissioner will be there. I wonder if Mr. Gordon will bring that big batman spotlight? Oh, and the other ones will be there too. Don’t know their names but they are the fat ones that just seem to stand around in front of my son.

Well, now that is off my chest and you totally know I am being truthful, look forward to my live texts from the Sports Party of the Year!